Choice
by katmaree
Summary: Edward's POV for chapters 4 to 6 in Eclipse. Just how close did Edward come to crossing the border after he discovered Bella was in La Push and what made him decide to wait? Oneshot, not beta read.


The hunting was particularly bad today. This, Edward considered, could be for a number of reasons. Firstly, he had been able to convince Emmet and Jasper to once again remain a very limited, but safe, distance away from the general vicinity of Forks. Game naturally became poor as a result. Squirrels (when he got desperate enough) were a pretty pathetic comparison to mountain lions failing of course, to sedate his thirst and the wild desire of his instincts to maul something challenging. Secondly, despite being so close to the town he couldn't help but worry, _perhaps_ irrationally but he doubted it, about Bella. Worry was in fact, an obvious understatement for the fear that coursed through him at the thought of her defenceless and alone. The permanent frown his face was sculpted into did not escape Emmet or Jasper's notice which may have made convincing them to forego the pleasures of grizzlies and stay with him here so easy.

Finally he was concerned about his own actions and their present recuperations. It was easy for him to remain in a permanent state of concern for Bella. Not just for her physical safety put at risk every time she so much as inhaled, but the look in her eyes poorly hidden behind an enthusiastic smile as she'd attempted to literally push him out the door. Bella Marie Swan, who courted danger everyday and never dwelled upon it, was frightened, and it was his fault. There was nothing that could describe the guilt he felt at leaving to protect her and as a result, endangering her more. A pack of dogs for company and Victoria still dedicated to her sadistic game was nothing compared to how easily he had convinced her he didn't want her. If she was insecure or even tentative before what had he done now? Couldn't she see herself and understand why he couldn't leave?

As far as he was concerned there was nothing he could do but stop her from being hurt again. Even with Alice on constant surveillance he still felt on edge. Bella could be…unpredictable at the best of times. This combined with her stubbornness didn't keep her far from trouble at any one time. At least he could consider her relatively safe at work for the morning and if he was fast enough maybe he could get back early.

"_Edward?"_ He heard Jasper's voice clearly request his attention and jerked up from where he had been leaning against a tree, brooding over his thoughts _"Alice is coming."_

Emmet who was nearby caught his sudden movement and gave him a questioning look.

"Alice."

"Why? You have your phone."

Edward shook his head in response unsure if he would be able to retain composure when he spoke. It was obvious, she wanted to talk to him herself and she wanted Jasper there to try and clam him down. She should know by now, if there was something wrong with Bella; it wasn't going to work that way.

If Jasper had picked up her scent she must be near, almost near enough for him to reach her thoughts. He flexed his lower jaw and let out a low growl in reflex as he tried to calm himself enough to concentrate.

"Easy Edward," Emmet hummed in a low voice somewhere behind him "We don't know what it is yet."

His comment hardly registered to Edward. Even going so far to close his eyes in false serenity; he listened.

"_Eighty-nine bottles of blood on the wall, eighty-nine bottles of blood. Take one down…"_

Already strained nerves snapped and Edward let out a proper roar this time all pretence of tranquillity destroyed.

"…_around eighty-eight…Oh Edward! Calm down!"_

In the end he had no choice but to do just that. Jasper was there already and despite how much he wanted to be irritated by being forced into rationality, it was impossible to experience anything else. For the moment at least he decided reluctantly.

"Edward," Alice didn't sound too upset, mostly cautious.

"_Don't overreact, don't overreact, don't overreact…"_

"Bella?"

"I didn't see her," She began.

"_She acted on impulse, she didn't plan it…"_

"What has she done Alice?" It was starting to annoy him now, how calm he felt as he spoke, he could acknowledged it as unnatural.

"_Gone."_

"Where?" He saw Emmet and Jasper looking between them as the verbal conversation dwindled.

"_La Push."_

Edward slowly clenched and unclenched his fists.

"Jasper, I want you to stop now."

"Not yet Jasper, Edward concentrate for a minute, you'll only do damage if you rampage off now."

"I _want_to cause damage."

"No you don't." Emmet said with a smirk in Jasper's direction.

"I will very soon."

"What are you going to do Edward? You can't break the treaty, think of Carlisle."

"I can for Bella," He turned to Jasper "I mean it, stop. I need a clear head."

"You have a clear head now so wait Edward!"

He just had to start running. Running towards the invisible division of territories and not stop. Out of the range of Jasper and Alice, even Emmet wouldn't catch up with him.

"Listen to her," Emmet warned sounding serious now.

"Do you think Bella would want you to do this? To break the treaty and physically force her away?"

"I'll talk some reason into her."

"What reason? We've told her the wolves are dangerous but Jacob Black is her friend."

"Jacob Black doesn't just want to be friends," He spat in response and still managed a glare in Alice's directions "And we all know she's unsafe there."

"What Carlisle said seemed reasonable and Esme agreed; they did protect her while we were gone."

"_While you were gone Edward." _

He couldn't tell if the thought was intentional or not, Alice had never fully agreed with his decision but it was enough to induce him into flight.

"You won't do it Edward!" Alice whispered after him, his heightened hearing meaning she didn't have to shout.

Quietly he ignored her and swiftly began to run. It did not take long for his brother's effect to wear off as he fell out of range. Darting between trees with practiced ease anger surged inside of him again this time made more potent by his as of yet unattended to thirst.

Despite the smell, at that moment he was up for the challenge of trying werewolf for a change. La Push wasn't far now.

Besides, more importantly he had to reach Bella before he could concentrate on maiming anything. He stopped suddenly and skidded gracefully to a halt on a patch of mossy stone. Bella he knew would not want him to kill Jacob, despite his good intentions. He reasoned with himself, arguing with the quiet voice of the monster he associated with great thirst. However if she was hurt, or even killed…

He released another angry yell into the quiet forest. He had no way of knowing! Alice couldn't see her when she was with the dogs, any conceivable disaster could occur. She was at risk and yet if he crossed the line for no reason the treaty would be broken. Over something as petty as his jealousy. Was he jealous?

Jealous enough to rip the mongrel limb from-

No, surely he had no reason to be jealous. No reason to fear in that sense, Bella had his trust. The fear stemmed from Jacob's jealousy, it is always so easy for the young wolves to overreact. Even the more mature ones. If Bella tried to make her choice clear the dog could lash out easily enough.

"And it would be my fault," He whispered to himself "Again."

Something. Anything. Something expensive. He eyed his watch. The Rolex would serve the purpose. Within seconds it was embedded in a thick tree trunk, shards of crystal lining the forest floor and exposed roots. Desperation began to claw at him, the idea of having no contact with her, especially when she was in danger, was something that frightened him to inconceivable limits.

He ran again, with equal speed but none of the fury that had raged at him internally before. The scent that indicated the line paused his progress and he waited, allowing himself a final chance to reconsider. One step. Then another. Then Bella.

What would Carlisle do if he broke the treaty? Perhaps if he disowned him from the family it could be saved. He and Bella could leave, earlier than planned, earlier than either of them wanted but the treaty would be protected. Bella would be protected.

Suddenly everything inside of him stopped and felt as cold and dead as he was. If she still _wanted_ to leave they could. He always wondered if she fully grasped how much of a monster he was. Perhaps this would finally scare her away releasing him from his own greed? Even if he knew he was doing the right thing how could he be certain she would understand his actions? Could he convince it was for the best?

And Carlisle wouldn't want this. Alice. Jasper. Emmet. Esme. Even Roasalie wouldn't want this.

"Compromise," He muttered to himself.

If she wasn't out by the time he fetched his car and back he would go in for her. He wouldn't speak to anyone, this was his decision now. This conclusion was a relief to him and he turned sharply on his heal to start running in the opposite direction.

Alice was waiting for him in the garage, perched on his Volvo in what appeared to be a silent protest to his decision to leave. However, she slid lithely down as he approached and stood with her arms folded and expression pensive.

He shook his head at her and patted his back pocket looking for his keys. It was in vain however and Alice held them out for him a moment later. Cautiously he accepted half expecting her to try snatching them out of reach again, but she paused to brush her fingers over the back of his hand instead.

"Are you trying to protect her or just hide her?"

He made sure to slam the door before he reversed out. Part of him wanted to drive as fast as he could while another wished he would slow down and give her more time to leave. Or more time to get herself killed. Naturally that was encouragement enough to hurtle forwards restraining his resentment enough to stop himself from breaking any part of the car.

Despite this the journey seemed longer than usual and he ground his teeth together in frustration. One final corner and still no sight or sound of Bella's pathetic truck. This was the last chance; he spun the wheel more violently than necessary.

A startled pigeon flapped noisily from the centre of the road as he screeched to a halt only centermetres from the unmarked border before La Push. There was no point even glancing around, Bella wasn't there and Alice would have seen if she had already come back. He drummed his fingers anxiously on the dashboard before pounding it once with a closed fist.

He would give her five more minutes. Five only. Solemnly and methodically he reversed and turned the car back down the main road to wait a few kilometres down, pocketed in a side road.

He sat completely still, all senses alert.

Three minutes had passed by the time he spared the digital clock a glance and suddenly, the roar of a familiar engine pierced the silence. Edward let put a moan and rubbed his face with one hand. Moments later she drove right past where he was partially concealed in the shadows. He watched her glance nervously in her rear-view mirror a few times before he sped after her again. He was determined she wasn't going to leave his sight for a long time.

Tailing her only inches away from her rear bumper he could not see how she reacted to his arrival as she kept her eyes and face stubbornly pointed towards the road. This bothered him; he wanted her to pull over. He wanted to make sure she wasn't hurt in any way and then hold onto her so she would never try anything so reckless again.

As she continued to drive monotonously at the speed limit he honestly contemplated cutting her off himself. There was no way she could have missed him here. After a werewolf what could she possibly fear from him?

She pulled up at a house, one of the other girls from school he assumed. He cruised slowly pass and didn't miss the backwards glance she gave him in an obvious attempt to be subtle.

She couldn't avoid him forever.

A/N: Just something to amuse myself I wrote in my study break. My first Twilight fic, I loved this part. I apologise for any errors and would greatly appreciate any constructive criticism/general reviews.


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